In the summer of 2014, pütridist changed my life forever. As I was scouring internet forums for cyanide recipes, eünuch started playing on a salacious GoDaddy banner ad. I'm not sure if it was my immortal depression, or Jon Lovitz's directionless smile that sent me into a thirteen-hour staring contest with the floor, but everyday I remain overly optimistic that I won't urinate myself during another floor-triggered seizure.